somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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