Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
