She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We had to coat check the pizza.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
