I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
