This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
