I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
