I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
