i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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