What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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