I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
