like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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