Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
