i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
