Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
