I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
