Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
