Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
organizing the empties. That sober.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
