so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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