So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
