the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
