franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
