That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
