But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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