i would punch a child for taco bell
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
