I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
