Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I pour the whiskey from now on
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
