She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
