in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize