The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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