so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
