Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize