guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
