I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
