I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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