i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
