So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
