hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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