my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
