thus making me awesome and them whores
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
