Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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