Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This girl is more easily done than said...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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