So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
