you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
