so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
