Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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