my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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