this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
