Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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