Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
one might say we're banned from that church
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
