She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize