People with herpes should wear stickers.
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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