Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she looked like the before picture.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Randomize