her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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