my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
