I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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