her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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