she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I can tuck mytits in my pants
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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