I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
