My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
