I wish I could punch you in the face.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize