i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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