So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
