guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
