i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
