you guys were way drunker than both of me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
