Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
