They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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