Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize