Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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