i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
