Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize