Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
