hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
