The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
