I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
