Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
