I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have tasted many bathrooms
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
