he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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