O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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