I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
