just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize