I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
