she looked like the before picture.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize