'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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