mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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