it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
